What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
