In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
