ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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