I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
