I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
