Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
