i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
