i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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