2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
literally had 100 drinks last night.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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