jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
