so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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