I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
