DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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