I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
