living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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