so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
