Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
