Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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