Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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