if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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