Sry I called you an 8
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
