listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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