I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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