im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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