You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
