All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
