Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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