Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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