I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
