I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
