A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
