just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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