my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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