I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
