I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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