So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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