Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
