you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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