and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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