My Higher Power is John Stamos
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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