You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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