Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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