I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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