strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
