one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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