Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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