omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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