So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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