just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
