ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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