I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
