Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
