I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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