I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
