woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
