Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
